As a 20-year-old I had a very great job as a park aide in Truckee, California. It wasn't the most thrilling but I liked the people and there were opportunities to come back and do more. The next summer I got a different job that paid more, but the people weren't so straightforth and honest. I sometimes think that would have been a good lifestyle for me.

I also looked into going into the army. I chickened out when I heard they yell at you and make you run and do pushups at boot camp. Now I think it would have been a good career choice.

I also looked into going into the Peace Corps, but when they asked me why I wanted to be in it, I couldn't come up with a good answer.

Instead I got married to Mr. Safe and Stable. Many times I've regretted it! He made it safe for me to do nothing!

I wish I'd taken the snake by the tail and let it whip me around and throw me somewhere. Instead I killed the snake (of fear.)

That being said, I think it comes with the MLC territory to look back and think things might have been better. And part of the MLC task is to respect your past self and realize there were legitimate motivations. I'm still grappling with this, but if I want to heal, I HAVE to respect my past. What else can I do? Waste time in self-loathing about the past?

I can still go into the Peace Corps!!!