OK, if you've read my starter post here, you know why I am being tempted. I am having a really really hard time trusting my husband. In his MLC, he became an expert at lying. I was always able to "read" him before, but when he became so proficient at lying, I no longer could. Now, he's been back home for a few weeks, and the OW he had the affair with is still working at the same place my husband does. Even worse, she had told him that she would wait for him to leave me, and wanted to still keep seeing him. A woman with no conscience and disturbing intentions.

I mentioned before that I'm struggling with anxiety; well, sometimes full-blown fear is happening now. I admit, I am terrified when I cannot reach his cell; when he was with "her", he made himself unavailable that way, so it's like a flashback. I listen to what he says, and am waiting for a discrepancy in what he says; there was a small one yesterday. He's not spending huge amounts of time away from home, but he still has a lease on that apartment. He's gone there to work on some tax stuff (it's all over there), but I admit, sometimes panic sets in when he goes there.

I've never snooped before, but I always trusted him. He left me once, so now I really don't feel safe yet, and I do not want to be caught off-guard like I was before! What does anyone think of checking pockets, receipts, stuff like that? I am not a snooper but when the fear starts tormenting me....Well, bottom line, yes, I have started some snooping. Only stuff I've found was from when he was gone, nothing current. What I found was some major stuff that he does not know I know (I'll leave it out of here). Such impulsive & rash behavior from someone I never thought would be like that.

He is out of his MLC, but there have been occasional moments when I feel he's not 100% "sound" and thinking right. Moments, not a mindset, but troubling nonetheless. Combined with my fear, it's not a comfortable situation.

Any comments?