So you're 8 months into this thing with your husband. That's a good amount of time, plus he even thinks he's in a MLC himself. Hang in there; if his feelings and thoughts originate from a MLC, they will change with the passage of time. Sounds encouraging to me that he has a grip on why he's feeling the way he is. He's not in denial.

During the worst part of my husband's MLC, he did not know what was going on, and he didn't even care. The main tip off to me that it WAS a MLC was that if it was only about me and our marriage, he would have continued to nurture his relationship with our three children (2 young adults, one teen). He didn't; he cut them off and had next to nothing to do with them. That is tormenting him now. There were things he did to us financially which I haven't gone into. He is tormented now by remembering how he was, not only to me, but also to our children.

Talking is good, it's great. Since my husband came back, I am allowing him to talk freely about everything that went on, and how he thought & felt during the time he was gone. I only drew the line at hearing about any part of the physical relationship with the OW. Anything else he can say; he needs to unburden himself. Most things are not fun for me to hear. I learned that he even went so far as a consult visit to a divorce attorney! The OW was on his case to divorce me, but he dropped it after that. I learned that he spent one week with her, and knew right then what a mistake the whole thing was, although their "relationship" didn't end right then. My husband has talked about different things which happened along the way which drew him out of the MLC mindset. There were pivotal moments of light & realization that altered his MLC thinking. He came back appreciating me and the life he had with me.

If your husband hasn't made any life-altering decisions, you're a step ahead, you're VERY fortunate. The betrayal I experienced cannot be erased with a kiss and a "I'm sorry." The regrets & guilt that my husband now deals with won't dissolve overnight. On a bad night for him last week, he wept and told me that he knew it would "never be the same." Although I didn't jump in with a hearty agreement (not wanting him to feel worse), I feel the exact same way. I am grieving what I (truly)lost, he is grieving, and we are both going to get past it, but everything DID change when in the middle of a MLC, he walked out the door, and into the arms of another woman, however briefly. 26 faithful years marred by a decision he now regrets, and I still grieve over. Guess I'm spelling it out so thoroughly here, so that if ANYONE reading this is tempted to rash actions, MLC or not, STOP! Actions have grave consequences, MLC induced or not.

Not to end on a neg note there; I feel confident we will both recover from this with time and love, however cliche that sounds.