Hi Vannie,
I'm the poster child for your mother. I was married to a man who had taken his first drink early in life. Because he was my third husband (I had my own issues), I worked really hard to make it work. I looked outside for emotional support, frequently thought I was in love with other people, but stuck with the marriage for a very long time because of the commitment. Alcholism and drug abuse is the number one reason that women are leaving marriages once their children are grown. There comes a point where you just can't stand it any more.

If I had a daughter (I had sons, one of which was an addict, but that's a whole 'nother story), what would I want from her? I would want her to love me, accept me, and perhaps be a sounding board, although I think that that is inappropriate. I would not want her to try to tell me what to do (that would bring up fierce resistance). I would also want her to take care of herself.

I agree with Mojo -- your dad sounds more like an alcoholic than a heavy drinker. Consider going to Al-Anon or reading some texts about being a co-dependent -- Beattie's "Co-dependent No More" is a classic. You are being put in that role by both of your parents.

Ultimately, it's their issue, not yours. Your mother might stay, might go, might make another wrong decision, or might smart enough to do some work on herself. How you act and what you do provides an interesting example for them. Children often have lots to teach us.

For example, my addict son finally got clean and sober at the age of 19. About a year ago, his dad followed his example at the age of 63.

Take care of yourself.
In spirit,
Casey
www.WiseWomanShining.com