you know what is best for you and your family, but I am teling you that she is not rational at this point. I know, I've been there. I wouldn't listen to anyone. You will be the only rational one in it. Just some advice, I know it's strange getting advice from a woman who behaved the same way as your wife, but, get some legal advice and get yourself a good thereapist, not a counselor but a pshycologist to help you during this time. Your kids need one sane parent and you will have to save your sanity as well. I can tell you that she will respect you so much more if you become strong and not accept her behavior at least while she is in your home with your children. If she sees you inproving your life and doing things that are fun, taking care of things with your kids, it's not only going to make you feel better but it may help her to start to think about what she is doing and what she is risking.
I have to tell you, reading posts from men like you makes me realize exactly what damage I caused. I don't think I was ready to read these a year ago or even 6 months ago, but if you two start to communicate and she seems to realize that she is going through something, you may want to send her to this site.
Good Luck To You, and I will look for updates on here from you.