I'm sorry to hear your story.

There are many reasons for infidelity beyond midlife crisis so it's possible that your wife is experiencing an MLC and it's possible that she isn't. First off, I suggest that you read the entire discussion thread of "My wife is having a mid life crisis..." since it contains stories of others with similar stories and suggestions.

Next, read the relevant posts in our Twenty Questions about Midlife Crisis if you haven't already done so.

Third, you seem to be handling this very well but finding out that your wife (and the mother of your children) has been living a lie, has cheating on you, and now wants out of the marriage is all a pretty big shock to say the least. You should consider counseling for yourself whether or not she'll go. It might be very good for you.

Your sons are at a very difficult age for this as well and might benefit from therapeutic support as well.

One idea would be to ask your wife to participate in session with a therapist where the focus of the discussion is your sons so that whatever you work out at home has their best interests in mind. If she loves them (which presumably she does) perhaps that could be something that you both can agree on. Don't use this as a ruse to win her back but it serves several purposes. 1) It gets you both on the same side of an important issue; 2) It gets you in front of a professional family counselor; and 3) It beats begging.

These are just my thoughts based on the experiences I've read from others so you'll have to decide your own path and what's best for your kids.

Wesley Hein
Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com
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