Dear Away,

Your perception of my situation is amazing! Everything you said is right on target. I don't know if you are actually a therapist, but if not, you should be, as it seems you have the ability to see my situation through a looking glass.

As a matter of fact, I believe his "plans" for his "adventure" have been cancelled. He has forwarded some emails to me from his management team which have shed some light on his travel plans (such as his itinerary, etc). Also, we have been communicating in the past couple of days in a more relaxed and open fashion, like it has always been in the past. It's kind of hard to explain, but it seems the "peace" we have always felt with each other has returned. He has confided in me about some things that he has been upset with me about and I in return have confided in him. Not anywhere near the BDSM thing, as we can't speak so freely while he is at work due to security measures, but hopefully we will be able to cross that threshold at some point in the future. I now believe he had every intention of going on this "trip", but came to his senses and realized the dangers and repercussions of his actions.

Again, you are correct about the trust issue. We are both worried about what the other would think "if he/she only knew". I have always praised him almost to the point of embarrassment. I call him my superman; have always praised his integrity, his ethics, his talents, everything about him, as if he has no faults. I have told him many times that he is perfect. So I feel he thinks it would damage my opinion of him if I were to find out that he is only human with human frailties. I totally agree with what you said about sexual perversion. Whatever takes place between 2 consenting adults is not perverted. Actually we have had a very open and comfortable, wonderful sexual relationship. However, I think this is one boundary he has been afraid to cross with me. There again, I believe he is afraid I would think he's a deviant.

I am trying to come up with a way to bring all of this out into the open in a way that he would know it's OK to trust me with anything and everything.

Yes, I have been victimized in the past. It would be too long to go into here, but I believe I've gotten past the worst of it. Trust will probably always be fragile for me. As for my husband, he was deserted by his parents when he was a baby and given to his grandparents for adoption while his mother went on to marry a host of wealthy men while she became an important political official in overseas affairs. She always kept in touch with him, as does his father, but she was a distant mother and no matter what he has done, what success he has achieved, it's never quite enough for the ice queen. Yet he remains closer to her than to his dad. He has more respect for her than his dad, who is a very sweet, loving person, but hasn't had the wealth or priviledge of his mother, yet has so much pride in my husband. So I feel that my husband is always trying to win "approval" and feels he has to "hide" anything that might make him appear abnormal.
Obviously, I don't care too much for his mother but I adore his father.

My husband had 2 wives before me. #1 cheated on him more than once and he divorced her when he found out. The 2nd one left him while he was out of the country, giving him no reason for doing so. She married him for financial gain, only staying for 3 years. She tried (but failed) to take him to the cleaners, so yes, he has trust issues, also since he has been "deserted" by women starting with his own mother.

I am still researching mid-life crises, sexual preferences, etc., to get a better understanding of what I might do to rectify this situation and solidify our relationship by satisfying his curiosity. I truly adore him and I believe he feels the same. He has just gotten off track for some reason.

Your post is a real comfort to me as it seems you understand my position so perfectly.

Thank you so much!
AME