I'm sorry, this is so wrong on so many different levels. Your husband is going to Thailand to cheat on you. He claims that it will just be 'mild role playing' but it might be more than that. You don't know and perhaps he doesn't either until he gets there. This type of activity in Thailand raises the issue of AIDS. According to Wikipedia, Thailand has done generally a good job with HIV/AIDS prevention but there has been a resurgence of the disease in the last few years. And its prevalence is certainly higher among sex workers than the general population. Regardless, if he follows through he will be putting you at risk.

I emphasize with your dilemma and I don't mean to offer a rash judgment but:

1. He's lying to your face, on something not small. Irregardless of how you found out, you now know that he is a liar.

2. He is so "proud" that you feel he would walk out on your marriage over your acting out on your concerns? Pride is one thing but if someone is willing to put their own feelings ahead of the marriage then that doesn't say much about their character or their commitment.

3. Given your experiences with your previous husband, it is very understandable that you have a trust issue--something he is no doubt aware. He should be working to help you overcome this and that effort should be placed ahead of his issues of email privacy. Given these events I imagine your ability to trust him has diminished.

From my viewpoint you have a husband who is away for 6 months a year which is an awful long time and plenty of opportunity to do something wrong. You depend on his morals, character and trust to not cheat. However, per your description of him, I don't see a lot of these virtues. I hope I'm wrong and of course this is just my opinion, you need to decide what is right for you and your marriage. I do agree with the commenter above who suggested marriage counseling.

Wesley Hein
Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com
Sign up for the LifeTwo Newsletter!