My husband is going through a midlife crisis right now. We have been told it is a biochemical shift in the brain. He has thought of and even filed for divorce, but then called and it is either on hold or cancelled. He says he is "unsettled." I am told to be patient, strong, and steady during this time. I am doing all those things and showing him affection, and love. I want my marriage to work, to last. There have been some infidelities on both of our parts, but I want to work through things, and have forgiven him for his. I read the Divorce Busting book, the chapter in there on his midlife crisis is excellent and I reread if often to help me through this time. I think it has been about 1 year so far. We were told it could last up to 2 to 2&1/2 years. I never know if he will come home one day and say he went ahead with the divorce. I know that the only thing I can be certain of, is that things are very uncertain.
I need to know what to say and/or do to help him gain trust in me again, even though it has been 5 years since I hurt him, if there is anything during a midlife crisis to help. I know that he is more sensitive to feeling feelings right now and that is why a lot of this has even come up, at least that is what I think. I know he didn't really deal with the anger back then, so it seems so much more severe now. I am looking for answers, but yet we are talking more and he is going to the doctor tomorrow to see about maybe getting on an anti-depressant or something. I am encouraged by that and that he has been willing to read some of the things I have read and is somewhat more open than most men I have read about going through the same thing. He is struggling, this I know and am being as understanding as I can about. He does have classic things such as feeling he loves me, but not "in love" with me right now, and wonders if he can ever meet my needs, or get back, plus he is scared when he feels feelings that he once felt, I know he is afraid I will hurt him again, what do I do?