"...grasping to make sense of his decision."

I think you have pointed out one of the most challenging aspects of these types of situations. It's one thing when someone lists legitimate issues or things you are doing that could be improved. Since they are real they can be addressed. And you can have a better conversation because you can concur with them.

However when it gets to grasping or things you are doing wrong it really tests the mettle and determination to just listen. It feels like they are just piling on for the sake of piling on or just trying to justify a decision they made. Plus it's hard to agree with someone's imagined gripes and harder to resolve to change them so the conversations tend to be tougher. That is yet another reason so many suggest just listening during these types of conversations and not trying to fix everything right then. It's not about winning the argument. Instead it is about a process, part of which is letting them talk, talk and talk some more.

Wesley Hein
Wesley [at] lifetwo [dot] com
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