I was divorced after being married 24 years. We had one daughter who is now 21 and away at college. I left the whole thing behind, my home, all my things, and moved in to a home with my mother and daughter, she had just graduated from high school than. My ex-husband was abusive and a heavy alcoholic. He was a real treat to live with, but you know what????? It was way better than what has happened since I have left.

I am seeing that I was happier being married, even if he was an abusive man. I know many people say, how can that me. First off let me tell you, I HATE BEING SINGLE AND ALONE. I have been alone now for over just 6 years and it has been a worst kind of hell than I ever imagined. I have tons of friends whom are divorced but they all have found love, none them are alone still.

I am a counselor at a shelter, so I know all the psychological babble about loving yourself and being happy alone with yourself. That is great advice for some, but I have been alone and it sucks.

I HATE DATING, don’t know why, never been asked out, NEVER even come close to being asked out.

Do I meet tons people, yes I do, and all say I am a nice person, but I am 48, and men are not interested, or if they are they want sex. Although, I have nothing to worry about men wanting anything from me. I know that I will end up like my mother alone, with my some kind of small animal for company.

I hate working for a living supporting myself, although I did that for 24 years, I worked all though the marriage. I guess I am the poster child for a loser women in America. To even say I don’t want a career, I don’t want to have any of that, does that makes me what, crazy. I have a career, if I won the lottery tomorrow I would never work again. I am not lazy, it just that I am sick of it all.

I know many will say it is your attitude, but I was not always thinking like this. I had some kind hope that after 6 years I might adjust, but I find everyday a living hell. I have thought of ending it all, many times, and wonder what the point is. I do have a daughter in college, and yes she now has her own life. So I live a miserable life so maybe two times out of the year I see her. Not sure if that is worth it. Hobbies, when I have time for them they are nice, but also they cost some money, plus my job is extremely demanding, I work with adolescence offenders, so I work long hours and on call all the time. So it is not like I am home watching soap operas, and not leaving the house.

To be honest that sounds really good about now. I know most people don’t agree with what I feel, but this is how I feel and maybe someone out there has had similar experience as mine. I have found not too many people after 6 years still alone with no one, or not even a date. I read that middle age women and older don’t marry as often as the younger girls, and it showed some kind of statistic and it really got me depressed.

Oh well, had to just shout this out, I wish I never gotten the divorce or walked out.