My husband is 36 and we have two children , 3yrs and 5weeks. ABout two months before having the baby, I noticed a change in his demeanor. He started withdrawing and when I questioned what was wrong or why he wasn't happy, he couldn't tell me. After prying and forcing the issue, he claimed to have a lot of discontentment with work (goals), missed opportunities, lack of assertiveness, and of course, he wasn't sure what his feelings were for me. He needed a break to see if missed having me in his life.
Since having the baby, a lot has changed. Much like you and your husband, we had our ups and downs, but nothing that seemed threatening to the marriage. After having the baby, he said he needed solitude and space to figure out things. Ten days postpartum, I told him to go and that staying was only prolonging the misery. He was gone for two weeks at a hotel, still going to work, calling to check in, but minimal conversation. He is now at home, but we are sleeping in seperate rooms. I started seeing a therapist because I feel like I am living a nightmare. He is not nearly as excited about the baby as he was with the first one. The therapist said most likely because he considering leaving and attaching himself to the baby would make it more difficult to leave. All of the signs point to a midlife crisis, but like you I initially felt that he was too young. After reading and trying to find answers for why this happening to me, it has only led me to this conclusion, a definite Mid -Life Crisis.

Now he is talking about getting an apartment until he sorts out his feelings for me. He does not want to see a counselor so I have looked into this concept of a controlled seperation where you set ground rules. He has agreed to putting this down onto paper. Sometimes I wonder why this happening after 8years of marriage and 10 years of being together. He does not discuss it with anyone. I am left to feel ashamed, heartbroken, and wondering if there is any hope for the situation.

He does not want a divorce at this time, nor does he want to sell the house. However, I am left waiting. I believe in marriage and do not want to give up, but I just don't know what the right plan of action is at this point.

After reading your dilemma/situation, I felt some relief that I was not alone. Please write back if you need to talk or if you have found any info. that is inspiring or helpful.
Best wishes.