Firstly i'm sorry to hear this - i know how you are feeling right this minute - its a typical working relationsip>friendship>relationship>affair that so many men and women are drawn to..why? maybe mid life crisis maybe not but he has all the tell tale signs - well done on not showing the anger - him saying he is feeling trapped and unhappy is just deflection he is blaming it on that to justify his actions and he has left the home to enable himself to carry on with this affair and you dont deserve it - you are not to blame to remove any thought of that from your head straight away because it isnt about you or even this woman its about him and him alone - right now concentrate on YOU and your 16 and 20 year old draw comfort from them for the moment - you ask is there anything you can do to try and get him back? Yes as tough as it is dont pine for him, let him see your strength and resolve dont let his words or actions dictate yours - how long has this been going on? This could just be nothing more than an affair but at the minute he is confusing this temporary fixation with true love - each case is different you can either stand toe to toe and give him an ultimatim, make him choose or step back and let him in time realise what he is giving up and losing either way be prepared for whatever outcome - its easy said to be strong because ive been where you are last year and it was an awful time but stay focused on you and the children right now - good luck

Regards
Stu UK