Happiness Week Day 1: From Happy to Happier

Welcome to our first of seven days of Happiness Week -- LifeTwo's series of articles and quick exercises to help you become happier. On this first day you'll work on figuring out what makes you happy.

If you are just joining us then read this post first.

Defining Happiness:

Happiness has been studied and pursued throughout history by philosophers, scientists, religious scholars, artists and others, and there is no shortage of competing definitions. In his book "Happier," Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar calls personal happiness "the overall experience of pleasure and meaning." Wikipedia says it is "an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction." Some have defined it as "subjective well-being" while others call it "frequent positives versus the infrequent negatives in our lives."

For our purposes, happiness will be considered a a state of generally positive emotions but with an underlying sense of purpose and meaning. We will initially focus on the first part of this definition, having "generally positive emotions," and then over the next few days delve into the importance of "purpose and meaning".

Are you happy?

At some point someone might have asked you, "Are you happy?". This is a well-meaning but not particularly helpful question. This is how Dr. Ben-Shahar responds:

How do I determine whether I am happy or not? At what point do I become happy? Is there some universal standard of happiness, and, if there is, how do I identify it? Does it depend on my relative happiness to others...?

The question "Am I happy" suggests that happiness is something that you are either or you are not, and that if you are happy then you've reached the termination of your pursuit.

But happiness is not a place or a destination, it's a continuum. You can always be happier. Therefore, as recommended by Ben-Shahar, the question should not be whether you are happy but what you can do to become happier. Better yet, ask yourself, "How can I be happier now and in the future?" Figuring out the answer to this last question and then doing something about it is the goal of this week and will be a lifelong pursuit.

What makes you happy?

Not surprisingly, one of the best methods to become happier is to do more of the things that bring you enjoyment. To do this you need to identify what these things are. Gaining this knowledge will be our first exercise in becoming happier.

Exercise #1A: Enlightenment

Allocate 10-15 minutes for this exercise. Make a list of what brings you pleasure. Include little things (such as having a cappuccino on the way to work) and also bigger things (for example learning a new skill). Some of the things you list will have deep meaning to you but many will be simple activities that you find pleasant. Add to the list as you think of new things throughout the day or week.

What I learned from the enlightenment exercise:

I did this exercise in advance and it was almost certainly the first time in my life I spent uninterrupted minutes thinking about what makes me happy. In the process of doing so I realized that many of the things that I had normally considered to be regular, uninspiring activities were actually things that I enjoyed doing. I now view these activities in a different and more positive light. This type of realization is actually one of the goals of this exercise. I saw that did a lot more things that I enjoyed doing than I had been aware. I just didn't see them this way or appreciate them as such. According to "Happier", being grateful and having appreciation for what we have are important components of happiness.

I sometimes drive my kids to school and had normally thought of this as a chore, not a source of happiness. However as I thought about it, I recategorized this activity as something that I enjoyed doing. They'll soon no longer need me to drive them and I know that I'll miss it. There were several other examples of chores and otherwise basic activities that made my list as well. I also listed many things that I enjoy doing, are easy to do, but that for various reasons I just don't find the time to do. I was surprised how many things fell into that category. Finally, I had big things go on the list that, if I don't do something about them soon, might never get done.

Exercise 1B: Implementation

Adopting new behaviors, even for things that we like to do, can be hard. Anyone who has tried to start an exercise regimen knows this and it's why most New Year's resolutions fail. One tool for helping individuals change is to adopt a ritual around that change. It turns out that while changing a behavior can be somewhat hard, sticking with something that has been ritualized is much easier. Here is an example. Let's say you want to start stretching for 15 minutes every day. Your chances are much greater that you'll stick with it if you create a regular pattern such as stretching first thing in the morning while the coffee is brewing. If your ritual is to get up, turn on coffee, stretch for 15 minutes, then drink your coffee, you will have a much greater likelihood of success than relying purely on self-discipline.

Exercise: Select one or two of the things from the above list that you'd like to do more of but don't for various reasons. Create a ritual around each one of these. For example, if it is running, then pull out your day planner and put put in your workouts as if they were meetings or anything else that you would not miss. If it is talking to old friends, then create a time and a process that you will do this (for example every Tuesday you will call one old friend to talk to). Of course these are highly individualistic to you and your likes, but the point is that you should feel better and get a happiness boost from the simple fact that you are doing at least a little more of the things you like to do. According to Dr. Ben-Shahar, even doing a few more pleasurable activities in a week can make a difference in your outlook and how you perceive your entire week. Don't think that the benefit of adding 1-2 hours of enjoying activities a week will be limited to the time that you are doing those activities. In fact the benefits of that time is likely to be much greater.

What I learned from this exercise:

The ritual that I decided to implement was getting up by 5 a.m. every morning so that I could do more of the things that I like to do that are best done in the morning (read the paper while drinking coffee, write, exercise). I am now in my fourth week of this ritual and can say that it has made a big difference in how I feel during the day having started it off with a series of activities that I enjoy.

Summary

Of course this approach to becoming happier (that is doing more things that make us happy) is simplistic and over the next few days we will delve deeper into the essence of happiness. But it's important to know that while doing little things won't bring lifelong bliss, daily pleasures shouldn't be discounted for improving one's mood and outlook nor should you fail to appreciate the things that bring you happiness on a regular basis.

In doing the above exercises hopefully you learned a little bit more about what you like to do and started thinking about how to do more of them. Perhaps you've even recategorized a few things from chores that simply had to be done to things that you really like to do.

Tomorrow we explore the different ways people approach their own happiness and learn about Hedonists and Rat Racers.

The centerpiece of LifeTwo's Happiness Week is Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar's book "Happier." For our summary, click here ... or go straight to its Amazon page.

Happiness Week Day 2: Hedonists and Rat Racers

Welcome to our second of seven days of becoming happier--LifeTwo's series of articles and quick exercises to help you improve your level of happiness. If you are just joining us, read this post first -- it contains links to all of our happiness posts and puts these articles in context.

Are you a Hedonist, a Rat Racer or Something Else?

Studying human behavior is no easy task and its variety can make it difficult to classify. But often we do act in ways that can be grouped sufficiently for useful analysis. One case is in how people approach the trade-off between present and future benefits. In his book "Happier", Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar describes the four archetypes of happiness (an archetype is simply a descriptor of our behaviors and attitudes in a particular area):

Hedonists
Rat Racers
Nihilists
The Happiness Archetype

Hedonists are people who tend to focus on the present and ignore the future negative consequences of their actions. The fact that something feels good in the present is sufficient justification for doing it. Take the example of a dieter who eats a hot fudge sundae. The sundae certainly tastes good in the present and brings pleasure for the moment, but it is likely to bring frustration later on when they step on a scale. Another example is drugs and alcohol, which provide present benefits of varying degrees but with much future detriment. A second attribute of hedonists is that they mistakenly equate a pleasant experience with happiness. Finally, hedonists err in seeing almost any kind of effort as pain that is to be avoided. The result: hedonists undermine their own happiness by undertaking actions that in the long run make them unhappy. And by avoiding things that involve present discomfort (such as effort), they miss out on doing things that in the long run would have made them happy.

After reading the failings of the hedonist model, it would be easy to assume that the optimal approach is for people to put aside any desire to enjoy the moment and to focus on accomplishing future goals. In other words, being willing to "pay one's dues" is the path for long-term happiness. This trap, focusing on the end-game while completely ignoring the present, is called the "rat race" archetype.

Rat Racers are the opposite of hedonists -- they eye the prize but not the journey. In school, rat racers focus on the final grade, not the enjoyment that can come from gaining knowledge. At work, rat racers focus on the promotion or the year-end bonus, not the joys that might be part of the daily activities of their job. In athletics, rat racers focus on the gold medal or breaking the record, and certainly not the joy of training. Rat racers make the mistake of believing that happiness is an either/or scenario; one can be happy today or one can work hard, accomplish goals and then be happy in the future. But to be happy today and in the future is impossible.

It's not surprising to see why the rat race archetype is so prevalent. We are constantly reminded why we should adhere to it. Take the example of our young students, who are told (in so many words) to study hard, get good grades, get good jobs, and make lots of money, so that then they can afford happiness.

Unfortunately, when these young students grow up, they take long commutes to jobs where they don't find joy but where they remain because they have good prospects for future promotions and raises. As they did earlier in their lives, our now middle aged examples are told to keep working hard and to ignore the things that might bring them joy in the present (like spending more time with their families) because they are told, and by now firmly believe, that as soon as they can accomplishes their next goal (making vice president, or becomes a partner, etc.) that they'll then be able to afford things that bring happiness. Rat racers are always sure that its the next goal that will bring them the happiness they have striven so hard to get.

But that day may never come. Even if it does, the happiness is fleeting or even just relief that is mistaken for happiness.

Those moments of goal accomplishment are few and far between in comparison to the time and energy that goes into accomplishing them. By focusing on the destination, rat racers fail to embrace the joy that can come from the journey itself. This is how top students in school can become partners at prestigious law firms, have wonderful families and live in big houses, and achieve every other criterion for rat race success ... but still not be happy.

Note that being a motivated, hard worker is not synonymous with being an unhappy rat racer. The issue for rat racers is that they fail to enjoy what they are currently doing and believe that it's only once they have accomplished their goal that they can be happy. The rat race archetype exists not just in school and business, but also in sports, arts (think of bands waiting for their big "break" to bring them happiness) and anywhere else where people toil away for that illusory future thing that will make it all worthwhile.

The Happiness Archetype

The above two archetypes, hedonism and rat race, might seem so extreme that people think the right approach is something down the middle. Enjoy a little bit here and there yet still work hard for things in the future. This approach, while better, still does not maximize happiness because the "either/or" approach to happiness remains. The Happiness Archetype tackles the question "How can I be happy now and in the future?" Dr. Ben-Shahar writes that "while present and future benefit may sometimes conflict--because some situations require that we forgo one for the other--it is possible to enjoy both for much of the time."

Students who love learning get both present and future benefit, as does the musician who really does love to play while at the same time working toward getting a recording contract. People who work at something that they like doing can still progress in their careers, and an athlete is focused on winning a race can still find joy in their training. Of course all journeys involve certain things that are mundane or unpleasant (studying for an exam, creating a PowerPoint presentation, auditioning for a record executive) and it is unrealistic to expect constant happiness, but the goal can still be to spend as much time as possible doing things that provide both present and future benefit.

From "Happier":

"Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak."

"Happier" also discusses a fourth archetype: what Ben-Shahar calls the Nihilists. As you might guess, these are people who are resigned to believe that their present unhappiness will continue on into the future no matter what they do or how hard they work. They feel chained to their unhappiness. Martin Seligman calls this "learned helplessness." This archetype is outside the scope of our happiness week; if you or someone you know fits it, realize that short- and long-term unhappiness does not have to be permanent. The techniques and tools of positive psychology can work for nihilists too.

Exercise 2A: Enlightenment

Allocate 30-45 minutes for this exercise. Think about a period of time when you were a rat racer, hedonist or even a nihilist. Think about the emotions you felt and why you pursued each approach. What were the benefits you got and what price did you pay for doing so? Take notes. Now think of a time when you were truly happy. Try and transport yourself back to that time and relive the emotions. Once again write down what you are thinking. If you are like most people you will learn something about what has or has not made you happy in the past that goes beyond the simple pleasures that you may have written about in yesterday's enlightenment exercise. (Note: this is such a powerful exercise that in "Happier" Dr. Ben-Shahar suggests you do it over a period of days, doing each archetype on a separate day. We have truncated the process so that we can fit it into our 5-day program but you might want to revisit this and do it as he suggests.)

Exercise 2B: Implementation

Take the list of things that you did on your enlightenment exercise (1A) from yesterday and add anything to it that now comes to mind after today's exercise above. Having thought about different periods in your life when you were happy, are there new things that you'd like to add to your list? For example, you may not have thought that "learning new things" brought you joy, but as you were thinking back to periods of happiness you might have realized how much you enjoyed those periods when you were in school or at work gaining new knowledge or skills.

Next, circle the things that you like to do that you get to do regularly. Do you feel lucky that you get to do these things? Are you grateful for being able to do them? Research has shown that people who regularly experience gratitude enjoy higher levels of physical and emotional well-being. (Additional reading on the relationship between gratitude and happiness can be found here).

An excellent happiness tool is to keep a daily "gratitude journal" where each night you write down five things that made or make you happy. As with the other exercises, we've truncated them to fit our five day program but encourage you to extend any exercise which resonates with you.

What you can learn from doing these exercises

Nicolette (entrepreneur/blogger) and Rhea (Boston-based writer and blogger) agreed to do these exercises in advance and share some of their insights. Rhea noted

"The two happiest times of my life were these: When I was just out of college, I worked at a weekly newspaper in the Boston area. I was underpaid and overworked, but I was so happy to be working there that I ran, literally, to work in the mornings. I couldn't wait to get started. I had mountains of mail to open and the hours were long. Sometimes the computer equipment failed. But I had the camaraderie of my 20-something peers and a lot of hard work, and it was fabulous. My second happiest time was working on a political effort to get a question on a ballot regarding pornography and women's civil rights. I was in my 20s, the work was completely volunteer (unpaid) and I loved it. It was exciting, challenging, difficult. I worked with a group of wonderful women and men and we were all beyond dedicated to the effort."

In other words, some of Rhea's happiest times were periods of intense work, little money, but with strong and personally meaningful goals that involved challenging daily activities. This is a perfect example of the Happiness Archetype and it is not surprising that many years later the positive feelings still remain. Many of us have similar stories, especially from when we were young, but for some reason many of us subsequently failed to apply the lessons from these experiences. Instead we adopted a rat race mentality with regard to career, homes, and other financial benchmarks that we believed once achieved would bring us happiness. This pattern was mirrored by Nicolette:

When I was living the "rat race" life, I was driven. External expectations motivated me (proving myself to others) to push myself often beyond my physical limits. By the time I "retired" from advertising, I was a physical wreck. While I achieved my goals of starting a business and succeeding financially, I wanted out because the future only held more of the same.

There is a difference between having drive and being driven. Drive springs forth from internal strength and enthusiasm. Now, when I approach a work or home project, I make sure it's aligned with my inner compass and not some external or subconscious force. If I feel like I'm trying to shove my foot into a shoe that doesn't fit (aka "the Shoehorn Effect"), then I look at where the pressure's coming from. Raising something to conscious awareness is sometimes all that's needed to balance myself.

We hear a lot about work/life balance and I've identified four areas that, when they're balanced, create a happy, content life for me: Work, friends, family and money. When two or more elements are out of whack, then I'm unhappy and I use my inner drive to bring about change unless they are things I can't change (like the death of a loved one.) Then, I work to change my attitude. Overall, when I eliminate the element of time and "stop pushing the river," then I am happy again.

Tomorrow we continue our five days of happiness and explore the important role of "meaning" in happiness.

The centerpiece of LifeTwo's Happiness Week is Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar's book "Happier." For our summary, click here ... or go straight to its Amazon page.

Happiness Week Day 3: Pleasure and Meaning

Welcome to our third of seven days of Happiness Week -- LifeTwo's series of articles and quick exercises to help you improve your level of happiness. If you are just joining us, then read this post first. It contains links to all of our happiness posts and puts these articles in context.

In the first two days, we defined happiness and asked ourselves to think about what makes us happy. We also talked about immediate versus long-term benefits, and the trap of trading off one against the other. Now we are going to add a new dimension to our happiness discussion: the concept of "meaning".

In his book "Happier", Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar refers to happiness as "the overall experience of pleasure and meaning." He goes further to say that "a happy person enjoys positive emotions while perceiving his life as purposeful." By adding purpose and meaning we now move beyond where happiness is a single moment in time to it being a more generalized aggregation of experiences. Using this definition it is possible for a happy person to experience lows along with their highs, but with their overall state being positive.

The Role of Meaning and Purpose in Happiness:

Let's look at happiness when meaning and purpose are absent. Certainly when we encounter something we like that is devoid of meaning we can still enjoy it (that is, it can still bring us pleasure). But what would happen if your life was one pleasurable yet meaningless experience after another? For example, if someone developed a drug that had no side effects and allowed you to just lie on the beach and feel ecstatic all of the time? Would this be happiness? Is a psychotic who experiences delusions of euphoria happy? What if you had no aspirations and no goals but through some artificial means you could be made to always feel good ... would you be happy? For most people the answer to all of these questions is no. Deep down inside, people want the cause of their emotions to be meaningful and can't be truly content by just feeling good.

From "Happier":

When speaking of a meaningful life, we often talk of having a sense of purpose, but what we sometimes fail to recognize is that finding this sense of purpose entails more than simply setting goals. Having goals or even reaching them does not guarantee that we are leading a purposeful existence. To experience a sense of purpose, the goals we set for ourselves need to be intrinsically meaningful. We could set ourselves the goal of scoring top grades in college or owning a large house, yet still feel empty. To live a meaningful life, we must have a self-generated purpose that possesses personal significance rather than one that is dictated by society's standards and expectations. When we do experience this sense of purpose, we often feel as though we have found our calling.

Because people all have different values and passions, they will have different callings. It is important to understand that the fit between the person and their calling is more important than the calling itself. Dr. Ben-Shahar's example is that an investment banker who finds meaning and pleasure in their career is living a more spiritual and fulfilling life than a monk who is in his field for the wrong reasons.

We do not have the time or space in this series to properly cover the subject of purpose and meaning. Briefly, the concept of purpose also includes satisfying an individual's need to realize their potential capacities. We have an inborn need to do things that challenge us and tap our potential. We also have a need to do different things and a limited capacity to do the same thing even if is something that we like. "Happier" cites the lasagna principal whereby even the biggest fan of lasagna would not want to eat it all day every day. Among the many things hard-wired into our brains is the need for variety.

Finally, while meaning and purpose are tantamount to happiness, they alone are not enough. The prospect of a brighter future will only sustain us for a certain amount of time. In addition to meaning we need the experience of positive emotions. This circles us back to yesterday's Happiness Archetype -- the ideal path that involves activities that give us happiness both now and in the future.

Exercise 3A: Enlightenment

Take out the list of things that bring you pleasure that we have been working on over the past two days. We are now going to rework it into two columns: things that just bring you pleasure (we'll call simple pleasures), and those that bring you pleasure and meaning. After you are done take a moment to reflect about what you have down on paper. Is there enough variety? Are there things that challenge you and/or tap your potential?

Exercise 3B: Implementation

This exercise is called the "Integrity Mirror". We now take our pleasurable/meaningful activities list and write down how much time that we spend doing them over a week or month. This list can be for your eyes only -- so don't succumb to writing what you think it should be. Instead be completely honest about how you spend your time. This exercise raises a mirror to the discrepancy between what we say is important in our lives and we actually spend our time. The fewer discrepancies we have between what we believe and what we do, the happier we will be.

Note that the amount of time that we have to spend on our values is a factor not just of its importance to us but also of our available time. From "Happier:" "Just because family is my highest value does not imply that to increase my integrity and therefore happiness I need to reallocate all the time I currently spend on my hobbies to my family (remember the lasagna principle). A person who must work two jobs to get enough food on the table for their family is living in accordance with their highest values even though they get to spend little time playing with their children."

Also given that time is a limited resource, some activities might need to be given up. In addition to just saying no, this is where time efficiency intersects the happiness. By itself, reading a book (or a blog) on productivity won't necessarily make you happier (despite the claims of certain self-help books). However if it frees up time for you to spend on things that you find pleasurable (or better pleasurable and meaningful) then the productivity gains can absolutely lead to increased happiness. It's all what you do with the time. (Click here for a list of productivity resources).

What can be learned from these exercises?

LifeTwo contributor "Dating Goddess" worked through these exercises, and she shares how she tries to combine activities on her list:

I’d say all the things I’ve listed on the pleasure and meaning list challenge me and tap my potential. I keep striving to get even better, or make more of a difference. It energizes me to try something new, especially if I can see the impact on someone else.

I am pretty happy with the amount of time I spend on my meaningful activities and simple pleasures. And I’ve begun combining them, so I may coach a friend (who’s asked for coaching) while we walk along a hiking trail. Or I may read a book on some spiritual topic while sitting in my garden. Or purposefully wear suede or cashmere because I know these are hug magnets to my friends who will hug me even more when I wear yummy fabrics. Or work in my garden while listening to R&B music.

Tomorrow we explore the relationship between goals and happiness.

The centerpiece of LifeTwo's Happiness Week is Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar's book "Happier." For our summary, click here ... or go straight to its Amazon page.

Happiness Week Day 4: The Importance of Goals

Welcome to our fourth of seven days of becoming happier -- LifeTwo's series of articles and quick exercises to help you improve your level of happiness.

If you are just joining us, please read this post first -- it contains links to all of our happiness posts and puts these articles in context.

Why Goals are an Indispensable Component of Happiness

In "Happier," Dr. Ben-Shahar says "...to be happy we need to identify and pursue goals that are both pleasurable and meaningful." At first blush, setting goals sounds too much like work to be part of a happiness program. After all, can't we just have a goal of being happy? But there are good reasons for setting targets:

1. People who set goals are more likely to succeed than those who do not. As any business book will tell you, having explicit goals with timelines and performance criteria will lead to better performance.

2. Goals communicate to ourselves and others that we are capable of overcoming obstacles.

3. Goals focus our attention and often become self-fulfilling prophecies.

At this point, readers of yesterday's Happiness Week post may be wondering if there isn't a flaw in our logic. According to the "rat race" archetype, any happiness that results from achieving goals will be short-lived. So ... why set them?

Our goals will have two differences from 'rat race' goals like "get the promotion." They will be long-term, and they will be focused on what actually makes us happy. The role of these goals isn't so much what happens as you attain them as the happiness you achieve pursuing them. It's the journey more than destination, the means and not the end.

Not All Goals Are Equal in Their Potential to Increase Happiness

Common sense -- and research by positive psychologists -- tells us that not all goals are equal in terms of increasing happiness. Generally the more "meaningful" the goal, the greater the potential increase in happiness. By "meaningful" we mean those goals that we pursue out of deep personal conviction and/or a strong self interest. These are goals that a person, more often than not, has selected on their own -- not ones that were imposed on them. These goals are also generally free of the need to impress others; we pursue them because we find them significant and enjoyable. Dr. Ben-Shahar calls these "self-concordant" goals.

Self-concordant goals are generally not financial in nature but involve personal growth or a sense of connection with others. This is not to say that financial security is unimportant or that having sufficient money for food, shelter, education, etc., isn't essential to our well-being. But if we are seeking to maximize our long-term happiness (and who isn't?) financial goals should not be our sole or central pursuits. That's not to say there's no role for financial security -- if one sees money as a way to achieve other intrinsic goals, for example freeing up time to spend with the family, and not as way to impress or for the material aspects of the wealth, then seemingly financial goals can be self-concordant goals.

Over the past three days we have learned that to maximize our happiness we need to do things that provide both present and future benefit (the "Happiness Archetype"). Pursuing self-concordant goals accomplishes this because we obtain net positive emotions from pursuing these meaningful goals. We have also selected these goals ourselves and feel immense satisfaction (a powerful positive emotion in itself) when we achieve them. We do not have the space to dig into the absorbing nature of self-concordant goals, but if you refer to "Happier" you can read about "flow," "peak performance," and "in the zone." These are all terms the refer to being so focused on a desired activity that you become one with the experience, defined by some as the excellence in life that transcends happiness.

The Importance of Choice in Happiness

The fact that self-concordant goals are freely chosen by the pursuer is an important aspect of their meaningfulness and relevance. The relative freedom to select and pursue one's own goals is one reason why people who live in free countries are generally happier than those living under oppressive regimes. Unfortunately many of us squander our relative freedom. Ben-Shahar observes:

"Many people in enlightened democracies spend much of their time feeling enslaved -- not by the regime but by extrinsic factors that are self-imposed, such as prestige, a desire to please, obligation, or fear. They experience life as more or less a series of chores that they have to carry out rather than activities that they want to engage in. "Have-tos"...are not self-concordant..."

One way to increase happiness is to reduce the "have-tos" and increase the "want-tos". Rearrange your life's activities to achieve your self-concordant goals, and think big -- this could even include a career change.

You may be surprised that some of your have-tos are really want-tos. One of my neighbors felt tied down by all of the driving he had to do with his teenage son shuttling from one activity to the other until the day that his son got his own driver's license. At that point my neighbor realized how much he missed the time together in the car with his son and how much more included he was in his activities. How many have-tos in your life are really want-tos and can be appreciated as such? Could some of the have-tos become want-tos if you just did them differently?

The ratio of have-tos to want-tos is an important factor of happiness, so it's worth the effort to tip the balance in favor of a more positive outlook. Even when have-tos are completed we don't get the same positive feeling that we do from want-tos. When have-tos are completed there may be a sense of relief, but it's not the feeling of satisfaction that we get from want-tos.

Exercise 4A: Enlightenment

Think about goals that you've had in the past. What goals provided you with the most happiness in terms of facilitating both a pleasurable and meaningful journey?

Exercise 4B: Implementation

The above exercise was about thinking about past goals that involved pleasurable and meaningful journeys. Now we are going to step away from the theoretical and have you write out self-concordant goals for you to pursue. Why? Dr. Ben-Shahar's research found that "People who articulate and pursue self-concordant goals are generally both happier and more successful." Since our goal of this week was to help you increase your happiness, this exercise has the greatest potential to help you achieve exactly that.

Write down what you really want to do for each of the key areas of your life (if you are limited for time, then pick the most important area to do now but come back to the others later). Think long-term -- from one to thirty years out. These goals should include concrete objectives that challenge you. Remember, as Dr. Ben-Shahar states in the goal section of "Happier", "whether or not you actually achieve your goals is not the most important factor for long-term happiness; the primary objective of goals is to liberate you to enjoy the here and now, the journey."

What others learned from doing these exercises:

Gretchen Rubin knows a lot about goals and happiness. She now runs the Happiness-Project (which is both a book and a blog) chronicling her exploration into the world of what makes people happy. If there is a theory about happiness improvement she has probably tried it. Below Gretchen talks about one goal in particular that brought her life-changing joy:

Jed Diamond (MenAlive) has written numerous best selling self-improvement books and so knows a lot about externally imposed goals such as deadlines. He is also quite goal-oriented himself. But he has realized that while it is important to possess goals, it is important to not be possess by them. In his words:

As you create your own "self-concordant" goals, in addition to your own experiences think about Gretchen and Jed's. For Gretchen, it was a complete career overhaul, no small task for someone who was clerking for a Supreme Court Justice. For Jed, the lessons were two-fold. First, being driven is good but one can be hostage to even good goals. Second, and related, sometimes it's necessary to slow down if you want to smell the flowers. Don't be so much in the zone that you don't have the opportunity to look around and enjoy the great things happening while they are happening.

Tomorrow we take your goals and show you how to "Just Do It!".

The centerpiece of LifeTwo's Happiness Week is Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar's book "Happier." For our summary, click here ... or go straight to its Amazon page.

Happiness Week Day 5: Just Do It!

Welcome to our fifth of seven days of Happiness Week -- LifeTwo's series of articles and quick exercises to help you improve your level of happiness. If you are just joining us, please read this post first. It contains links to all of our happiness posts and puts these articles in context.

Putting Your Happiness Plan Together

Over the past four days you have probably learned more about happiness than you thought possible. If you have also been doing the exercises (or did them in conjunction with reading Dr. Ben-Shahar's "Happier") then you've learned a great deal about yourself and what brings you real happiness.

Here is a quick recap:

Day 1: We defined happiness as "a state of generally positive emotions but with an underlying sense of purpose and meaning." We learned that it was a continuum and not an on/off state. Most importantly, we learned that the question to ask ourselves is not whether "we are happy" but instead "how do I make myself happy both now and in the future."

Day 2: We explored the four archetypes of happiness from "Happier" and how the "Happiness Archetype" is focused on doing activities that provide both present and future benefit -- so we desire the destination but also enjoy the journey.

Day 3: We tackled pleasure and meaning. An indispensable component of happiness is having a self-generated purpose that possesses personal significance. Without meaning we have only pleasure. While this may not sound bad, it is impossible to build long-term happiness and satisfaction based purely on meaningless pleasures -- no matter how plentiful.

Day 4: We identified the role of goals in improving happiness, the different types of happiness goals, and the importance of self-determination in being happy.

Each day we did two exercises, one to enlighten and one to implement in some fashion what we just learned. The result was a set of one or more "self-concordant" goals -- long-term objectives that we want to pursue because we find them both meaningful and enjoyable.

Today we have only one exercise, but it's not easy: come up with a plan to implement your goals. This is not like the other exercises because you can't just do it once. Your plan is not set in stone, but is a never-ending process of methodically pursuing your goals. It will change as you develop new goals or as your priorities shift.

The first step to developing you plan is to revisit your list and decide if you really want to accomplish all of the goals that you listed on Day 4. If not, then line out the ones that you want to ignore or take a step back to one of the earlier exercises and rework them.

Depending on how much you stretched yourself in setting your self-concordant goals, the next step could change your life. That's because it could involve a career change, a move, new friends, new hobbies, and any number of other life-altering pursuits. Try to avoid the theoretical "I wish I could..." and use "I am working toward..." or -- better yet -- "I will be ...". Not every goal can or should be as dramatic as a career change, but all should be intrinsically important to you. If they satisfy that criterion, then they warrant making it on the list.

The next step is the most important in accomplishing them: committing yourself to doing each one. You have already decided that they are worthwhile; now you need to believe that they are doable. In yesterday's exercise we saw how Gretchen, then a clerk for a Supreme Court Justice, decided she wanted to be a writer. Gretchen didn't necessarily know how she was going to pull it off, but she needed to know that if she put her heart into it she could do it.

Part of the value of goals is that they can become self-fulfilling -- just having the goal makes it more likely you'll reach it. But while you want your goals to be aspirational, they should also be achievable. If you have a goal to go to the moon and have no basis for thinking you can get there, it is a meaningless goal. But if you can visualize yourself accomplishing the goal then it's probably doable.

Once you've committed yourself to your worthwhile goals, your next step is to create an action plan for each one.

Action Plans for Self-Concordant Goals

Writing an "action plan" sounds far more intimidating than it actually is. It's doubtful that the road to happiness was paved with Microsoft Project, so don't get hung up with the tools unless that somehow brings you joy. The point is to look for key decisions or milestones that have to achieve in order to accomplish your goals.

If earning an MBA is on your list, then you'd have to take the GMAT and get a specific score first. You also might feel that before going back to school you need to take a refresher class, and also save some amount of money as a buffer. As you flesh out your plan you'll pick out the things that require your immediate attention.

Don't lose sight of why you're doing this. As we noted on our Day 4 post:

The role of these goals isn't so much what happens as you attain them as the happiness you achieve pursuing them. It's the journey more than destination, the means and not the end.

A lawyer who wants to write a book and first takes writing classes is likely to enjoy that journey because she is doing something that should bring her happiness both now and in the future. That fits with the underlying litmus test: "Does this make you happy now and in the future?"

If you don't like your action plan, you may have picked the wrong goal, or need to pursue a different path to reach it. A goal to retire at 55 so that the individual can spend time with his or her family sounds self-concordant. But if the action plan requires that the individual work extraordinarily long hours for the next 20 years, then what was originally self-concordant has morphed into the rat race. Maybe the "retire at 55" becomes "go part-time at 55" and then everything fits. Similarly, if you hate mountain climbing but like being on top of mountains you aren't going to enjoy the journey. You need to either figure out a different way to get up there or pick a different goal.

If all of this is overwhelming, pick a single goal that lets you accomplish some steps immediately. List every major to-do from today forward. You can get a sense of accomplishment as you dive in and line the first ones off. I think it's important to find at least a few things that you can start working on immediately -- and immediately means tonight.

Review your progress regularly and be flexible about your plan. It will change, even if you thought carefully about all the exercises. People change priorities over time because they look at things differently, or because their circumstances or environment have changed. Keep a balance between being flaky (changing your plan frequently) and being inflexible (not changing it even when it's in your best interest).

Going into too much detail about creating action plans is beyond our space limitations here, but there are many, many resources available if you feel in need of help.

What LifeTwo's Greg learned from doing the exercise

This exercise was difficult -- both because I had to do all the prior work but also because figuring out concrete action steps really forces you to imagine the changes you'll make in your life.

While I developed a few short-term happiness goals -- such as working to avoid daily nuclear escalations with my six year old daughter -- I thought a longer term example would be more valuable.

This goal is to become a better writer. Journalism was a road not taken for me, and while I've backed part way back into it here at LifeTwo, every day I read blogs, columns, and new stories that are better written than what I can create. I like the investigation and process of writing, but would be happier if I could stand back from a new piece and admire its exquisite framing.

As a goal, this also has the advantage of having near-term steps. For instance, while I don't think I need to go to Columbia J-school, UCLA Extension routinely offers feature and newswriting classes. And if I choose to educate myself, there look to be several appealing titles at Amazon.

So my steps this fall are:

• Read at least one authoritative book on feature writing and practice its lessons.
• Re-read Elements of Style. I remember admiring the clarity of Strunk and White's classic when I read it many years ago. Some of that would rub off even by just reading it again.
• Talk to a friend at the Los Angeles Times about the value of the UCLA Extension classes.

A problem with this goal is that "becoming a better writer" is hard to measure -- I can't take a photo at the summit and say I've accomplished the goal. But all goals aren't binary, black or white, yes or no. So I have to think some more about how to measure progress -- even if it's only my own internal critic writing the report card.

The Last Word on Goals from Author Penelope Trunk

Penelope Trunk has written extensively about goals and happiness on her blog and in her book The Brazen Careerist. In working with goals, Penelope devised a system for keeping hers at the forefront of her consciousness. In her words:

The centerpiece of LifeTwo's Happiness Week is Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar's book "Happier." For our summary, click here ... or go straight to its Amazon page.

Happiness Week Exclusive: LifeTwo's Podcast Interview with Tal Ben-Shahar