PART 1
That question arises usually after a husband has become a Dr Jelly/Mr. Hyde, switching from his "normal, old self" to a screaming abusive monster over the slightest trigger. Or, at the other extreme, he becomes withdrawn and non-communicative. And then the times when it's too late, he has fallen for a young woman, had an affair and run off leaving you and the kids.
And even if it's not too late, what can a spouse do?
First off, I am not a therapist or a doctor. I am someone who has learned a lot about midlife crisis through my own experiences and from the experiences of men I have worked with. So above all, when the situation is like any that I described in the opening, GET HELP for both of you.
In addition, there are some other things that can support you:
· Learn as much as you can about what might be going on
· Ask questions but in a way that help
· Listen, and then listen some more
· Know what you can control and what you cannot
· Oh yeah, and get help - for both of you
I will cover these in this article and a second to follow.
Learn as much as you can about what might be going on
Learn what you can about midlife crisis and how men deal with it, which, in many cases, is different from women. For example, for many men, their sense of who they are as men is tied up with their sense of professional success. In addition, when they experience the unease of a midlife crisis, we often believe it's a personal failure so we are very reluctant to talk about it or even admit to ourselves. And a third issue that makes it hard to discuss is the every human reaction to the unease - either take immediate change (examples like quitting a long-term job, leaving a marriage, suddenly moving, affairs, etc) or numbing the pain of it through drugs, alcohol, sex or even extreme sports or TV. You can learn more about this at my site www.thedisquiet.com.
Here at LifeTwo.com, you can read articles and see what others are going through. You can, through commenting, engage in questions and even discussions with others who are going through similar situations. You can also find recommended books.
There are online forums dealing with this issue where you can find additional resources and support.
All of this to suggest there is power in understanding what is happening. You might experience a sense of relief knowing first you dealing with a thing called a midlife crisis and second, you are not alone.