As I've often written, midlife has little or nothing to do with age. It happens when it happens. It's a psycho-spiritual event, a transformation from adult to maturity, from self-confidence to serenity. The demarcation area (midlife) can be identified by one overwhelming feeling: fear. Even more specifically, it's a fear of 'losing it' (whatever 'it' may be). You don't even have to be able to identify what 'it' is: all you need to recognize the midlife transition is to experience the fear of losing it. Dealing effectively with that fear takes you to maturity; failing to address it leads you to midlife crisis. So, how can you deal effectively with what is very often a nameless fear? All you need to acquire (and, incidentally, this constitutes the essence of the spiritual transition) is a deeper self-knowledge. You don't really 'need' anything . . . you have everything you require.

Want some help? Here's a little exercise that I've put together for you to help you to work through this transition. The instructions are simple: a) Write down your answers; b) Do not read beyond this paragraph until you're finished with the exercise;. c) Work through each of the three phases of the exercise in order. That's it! It should take you approximately a half-hour to complete the exercise. Ready to begin?

1. Complete this sentence "I am a _____________" as many times as you can, each time filling in the blank with a different word or phrase (a minimum of 20 times).
2. For each of the statements you wrote down in phase 1, re-write each statement with at least 5 different descriptors (for example: "I am a married [descriptor] man [word or phrase from phase 1]."
3. For each descriptor-word (or phrase) set, circle the ones that are virtually impossible to change (for example: your height, your IQ, your sexual identity). Make sure that you only circle the impossible characteristics, not the merely difficult.

When you've completed your list and circled the appropriate characteristics, only then read on.

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No, it's not a misspelling (and yes, I do make frequent use of my spell-checker). As our agrarian past fades from our collective memory, so will the images of pastoral scenes, farm implements, and, yes, even stiles. I even had some trouble finding a decent photo of one (and this one's from England, where the rural life still survives). What made me think of a 'stile' (a ladder providing access over a fence or wall) today was an interview I had last night with Rabbi Ed Weinsberg. Ed faced and overcame the challenges of prostate cancer just a very few years ago, and he's written a book that documents his story (and others) for the benefit of the 1/6 of all men who'll be facing that disease. For Ed, the experience catapulted him to a higher appreciation of faith, love, and even sex.

It's a fact of the human condition: transitions never come easily. They always appear as an interruption in the kind of life we desire and even plan for: a life of security, tranquility, ease, and peace. Yet, as I've written fairly often, the so-called 'interruption' is the reality, the sense of security is the illusion. Our 'common sense' lies to us, and tries to convince us that these disruptive events that come hurtling like projectiles into our lives are obstacles to our happiness and progress. Obstacles? Or, are they, in fact, the steps that take us up and over the obstacles? I submit to you that, just perhaps, these disruptions — even the big and painful ones — are what stimulate change and growth and that, without them, we'd face stagnation and decay. "No pain, no gain" is true particularly because every change involves a painful separation from our status quo.

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Recently, from a business, personal, and spiritual perspective, I've been doing a lot of meditating on [apparent] failure. Right now, I can't think of a more apropos topic for people facing and experiencing the midlife transition. For one thing, your successes don't precipitate a midlife crisis. In fact, an uninterrupted string of successes can actually insulate you from undergoing the midlife transition, leaving you for longer than expected — and longer than necessary — state of im-maturity. When you're 'blessed' with success, you may be getting what you want, but to your own detriment: not getting what you really need.

I ardently agree with Friedrich Nietzsche that "What does not kill me, makes me stronger." The contrary, may very well also be true: What pampers me, makes me weaker. Getting your own way may, for a time, seem like a triumph; but, is it really? Does it actually move you forward, or does it, more often than not, lead you further into imminent trouble? Do negative consequences hold you back in fact, or are they, rather, 'medicinal blessings'?

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Our local Giant supermarket has introduced hand scanners so that you can just walk up and down the aisles, collecting your groceries, while scanning them and bagging them right in your cart. Checkout involves downloading the inventory from the hand scanner into a self-serve checkout station. It's pretty cool. »more»

One of the most difficult virtues to attain is wisdom. Nobody becomes wise through an accident of birth or by osmosis. As has often been said, wisdom derives from good judgment, which, in turn, derives from bad judgment — and an awful lot of it. »more»

Several years ago, my friend, Dr. Jed Diamond explained how masculine acculturation was creating a huge obstacle for men in the workforce: both young and old. »more»

You may or may not recognize the 'drop,' depending on your age and what are of the country or the world you may be inhabiting. The 'drop' is that cataclysmic moment when the executioner pulls the lever, the trap door flops down, and the condemned plummets earthward . . . to an extent. »more»

I keep asking the same sorts of questions whenever I write: "How's 2009 working out for you?" If you're a 'boomer, you're in or beyond midlife, and what's going on in the world markets today are doubtless having a really negative impact on you, your family, and — evidently — your plans. »more»

What an absolutely amazing time to be a 'Boomer! If you're a person who likes a challenge, you'll absolutely love 2009! »more»

You have competency. That's not enough. You have experience. So do a lot of other people. You have long-term loyalty. That's not relevant. You have a family, a mortgage, car payments, expenses, tuition. It's not even a consideration. You're over fifty; it's too late to start over for crying out loud! Nobody's listening. »more»

Yesterday evening, I was working away at my desk, prepping for my Thursday evening internet radio program, when up pops an e-mail announcing that I had been befriended by someone over at BlogCatalog.com. Curious (I have few friends over there, since I'm a recent member), I stopped by to view that person's work. »more»

You see all those fancy letters after my name? »more»

Last Friday, I had an unsettling experience. I've been spending the past few months scouring the web, looking for places where men leave — and find — wisdom-droppings. You know what I mean by 'wisdom-droppings' don't you? »more»

I've been away . . . yes I have. But all that's behind me now, and this month is shaping up to be a transitional one. I'm needing to take my business from a disappointing conclusion with the end of 2008 into something even more dynamic and transformational as we move more deeply into 2009. Things are changing, aren't they? »more»

Here's a double spoiler for you, first for the 1983 movie, War Games, then for this article: as the computer, Joshua, comments at the end of this picture: "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." It works as well for global thermonuclear war as it does for the age-old conflict between estrogen and testosterone. »more»

Here's to a new beginning. You're off to a fresh start. You have new hope, new prospects, new horizons, a new vision. Your life is half over, you're dissatisfied with what you've accomplished, and here's your chance to get moving. No time like the present, you say. »more»

The year has changed . . . how about you? What changes are facing you in 2009? If you're a man in midlife, change has probably caught you like the incoming tide and is carrying you along with its often-understated power. Now, the question remains: what are you going to do about it? »more»

Wow! It's been a long time (almost a week) since I've been able to write about all things midlife! »more»

Here we are, experiencing New Year's Eve. We're thinking about kissing 2008 good-bye (and, perhaps, good riddance). Most likely, we're looking forward to tomorrow and a new beginning. I say, "Most likely," because, as a person having to deal with midlife, you may also have some other thoughts on your mind today. »more»

Once more, the Grim Reaper is coming up the pathway to visit the old year, 2008. The economic forces that were put in motion over the last ten years have finally tipped the scales, particularly over the last six months. Huge corporations are dropping like flies or are begging to be propped up by the very people most hurt by their business decisions (us). »more»

Well . . . to be honest with you, the end is near whether or not you choose to repent: the end of the year 2008, that is. We humans have a particular affinity for the ending of things: like graduations and funerals (not that there's any other similarity between the two). Yet, we mark transitions at least partly by looking backward while, at the same time, we're looking forward. »more»

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. There's not a person in our Western culture alive today who wasn't brought up hearing or reading Clement Clark Moore's poem from 1823, "A Visit from Saint Nicholas." Regardless of your religious beliefs and traditions, the spirit of warmth and generosity of the season can't help but touch all but the most broken of hearts. »more»

Recently, I had a question from a man who was in serious pain because . . . his wife was going through a midlife crisis. In some ways, there's nothing odd or strange about that: women and men both experience the physical and emotional changes that signal the transition from adulthood to maturity. »more»

I think that one of the biggest differences between the way women approach the midlife transition and the way men do derives from the very strong tendency that men have toward avoidance of significant midlife issues. »more»

When people think of the midlife transition, most often their minds go straight to the infamous midlife crisis and the radical changes that go along with it. People change their looks, they change their jobs and — way more than is necessary — they change partners. In fact, I discovered a website dedicated to men at midlife, and it was basically all about finding the next, more perfect, woman. »more»