LifeTwo 's Exclusive Interview with the authors of "50 Ways to Leave Your 40s" (Part II)

LifeTwo is pleased to bring you Part II of an exclusive interview with Sheila Key and Peggy Spencer MD, the authors of the to-be-released book "50 Ways to Leave Your 40s". Sheila is the primary author and Peggy is the book's medical expert.

As we noted in Part I of of the interview (linked here) "50 Ways To Leave Your 40s" is an in-progress book the midlife experience of turning 50 in "all its mundane, joyful, painful, funny, unexpected, gratifying, [insert your own list of adjectives here] manifestations." The book is written with mixture of humor and self-help. LifeTwo also wrote about the project here and here.

LifeTwo: If someone is turning 50, that means they grew up in the age of Rock and Roll and thus music was probably a big part of their growing up. Is that why you’re making music a big part of the book?

Sheila Key:

Yes, that together with two other, closely related reasons: 1) I figured, with a title spun from that Paul Simon tune, it made sense for this book to have rock’n’roll woven throughout, and 2) Even if it weren’t true of the rest of my generation, I, myself, have been a rock’n’roller since my earliest days. I didn’t watch much TV as a kid, but I sure clocked a lot of radio time. Also, if you’ve perused the ‘bio’ section of the “50 Ways” website, you may already know my story about sneaking into my older brothers’ bedrooms when they were away, so I could listen to their records – The Beatles, The Doors, Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd – over and over and over again. A decade later, when I got into college and majored in broadcasting (see? radio girl!), I learned about “cue burns,” all those snap-crackly-popping sounds that old vinyl records used to get as a result of having someone (say, a sneaky little sister) dropping the record-player’s needle onto an LP’s surface again and again and again. So… let me take this opportunity to confess to my dear brothers: The reason your otherwise impressive vinyl collection of classic rock is so NOT in mint condition… was me! Sorry about that.

By the way, since pitching my book as one that’ll sport tons of rock lyrics, I’ve come to learn that it’s prohibitively expensive to secure the rights to reprint lyrics in books. So Peg and I find ourselves having to “write around” the actual word-for-word quotation of our fave tunes. But don’t you worry. We’re still managing to evoke the pop culture of our youth, including the music.

LifeTwo: Let’s talk about midlife crises since they are a focus of this website (LifeTwo.com). What do you mean “What to Do When Midlife Crisis Is Not Enough” in the title?

Sheila Key:

Who wrote Once Is Not Enough? Erica Jong? I never read the book, to be honest, but that title is the pop-cultural reference I “pulled on” in subtitling 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s. Why? Because our book goes waaayyy beyond midlife crisis. Indeed, it offers fifty different ways to traverse this passage.

I’m hoping readers will be amused by the subtitle, conjuring up an image similar to the one in my head, of some crisis-ridden baby boomer casting about for more and more ways to cope with the shifting sands of life in middle age. Ours was the generation that sang, Hope I die before I get old. Now that – well… you know! – we’re singing a different tune, no? If we boomers have to hit 50, then by God, we’ll do it in our unique way. (This won’t be your daddy’s midlife crisis!) Indeed, since there are so dang many of us, we’ll do it in lots of ways, thank you very much. They didn’t call us the “Me Generation” for nothing. We want it ALL! So whatever those older folks might have done in their middle age... well, it simply won’t be enough for us!

But enough jesting, OK? Though all of the foregoing is the truth as I know it, I want also to say, with sincerity, that our book’s subtitle is meant to promise uplift. What we’re saying is, Midlife is not merely a time for crisis (though we dutifully cover that base, too). More than that, it’s a time to question the status quo and make changes that will deepen life’s meaning. We’re banking on the notion that most folks will agree: Living a life that really matters is better than a having crisis any day!

LifeTwo: Do you feel there is a “typical” midlife crisis? If so, what do they have in common, and if not, how wide is the range?

Sheila Key:

There are certainly several “cliché” midlife crises. And you know how it is with clichés: they couldn’t have earned that label without occurring all too commonly. So I guess I’d have to concede that some men really do go out and buy sports cars or Harley-Davidsons as they begin to feel age creeping up on them. And it really is true that many a middle-aged man has thrown over his long-time wife, the mother of his children, in favor of a younger model (and, hey! the more she actually looks like a model, the better). I suppose I’d also have to concede that plenty of women in midlife choose to spend huge sums of money on Botox and boob jobs. But are these responses to midlife “typical”? No. I think if there really is such a thing as a typical midlife crisis, Peg’s answers, both here below and in this interview’s second question above, about whether men and women experience midlife differently, come closer to the mark. Tell it, Peg!

Peggy Spencer:

I believe what many people mean by “midlife crisis” is a kind of reckoning they do about their life. It comes from a realization that they’re not going to live forever, and a desire to feel that their life is meaningful. Many people, at this time, take stock of what they are doing in their lives and, if they don’t like what they see, it can become a sort of crisis. There’s nothing wrong with taking stock; in fact we should probably do it far more often than we do. What’s important is what you do with the information you find. I think people get in trouble when they have a kind of panic reaction and then run out and do something stupid that they later regret. But remember, the Chinese character for “crisis” is the same as for “opportunity.” Taking stock at midlife is a wonderful opportunity to make some changes and truly bring more meaning into your life.

LifeTwo: You talk about having worked with both alternative/Eastern and traditional/Western in your own life. Is there a role for both in dealing with midlife crises?

Peggy Spencer:

We both have some experience and a lot more interest in Eastern philosophies and “alternative” health therapies. As a doc, I see lots of patients who use more than one kind of healing technique. My personal and professional belief is that it’s not a matter of “one size fits all” when it comes to health care, or lifestyle. People use what works best for them, for their health concern, at that time. I don’t think Western medicine has all the answers, nor does it even have the best answers for some conditions. There are some kinds of Eastern therapies and philosophies that work really well, for some people. That’s a long way to say “yes” as the answer to your question.

Sheila Key:

Sheila here. My answer is yes, too. What appeals to me most about Eastern medicine, indeed Eastern ways of wellness in general, is that they are holistic. They consider the whole person and aim to bring into balance all aspects of the self – body, mind and spirit. You won’t find, for instance, among doctors of Oriental medicine, practitioners who specialize in cardiology, dermatology, oncology or whatever. Eastern healers regard the human organism as a complex whole; the idea of becoming a specialist who treats only one system of the body would be anathema to an Eastern doctor. In my own experience, Eastern modalities such as acupuncture, herbal medicine and reflexology (to name just three) have succeeded in actually healing chronic problems I had, whereas the best Western medicine could do was to provide temporary relief from the symptoms.

Let me hasten to add, however, as the sister of two siblings who recently underwent organ-transplant surgery (my sister donated two-thirds of her healthy liver to my brother, whose liver was failing), I absolutely believe that, given the acute nature of my brother’s disease, Eastern medicine could not have saved him. Western specialists were exactly what he needed. Then again, now that my brother’s health is returning, my fondest hope for him is that he will take up some sort of holistic health practice – yoga, meditation or, say, Dahnhak, the Korean exercise program I myself swear by – to keep his meridian system unblocked and his “chi” flowing well for good health and long life!

LifeTwo: What advice would you give someone whose loved one is experiencing a midlife crisis?

Peggy Spencer:

The same advice I’d give to anyone about their loved one going through anything. Listen to your loved one. Really listen. Accept them right where they are without trying to change them or talk them out of it. Ask how you can help, and take their response seriously. And make sure you take care of yourself during this time.

Sheila Key:

What more can I say? That answer is perfect! Thank you, Dr. Peg!

LifeTwo: Anything else that you would like to say about your book or the subject matter?

Peggy Spencer:

Of course, lots! A whole book’s worth! We hope you and your friends will all buy it when it comes out in the Spring of 2008.

Sheila Key:

You did it again, Peg! See how you are? See why I wanted you in on this book?

LifeTwo: Anything else that you would like to say about your book or the subject matter?

Peggy Spencer:

Connections are crucial in the second half of your life, and online connections count!

Sheila Key:

Three times a charm! I have nothing to add to Peg’s words but “hear, hear!”
OK… and this:

Online connections count, indeed! I wouldn’t even know Peggy except that she discovered my “50 Ways” blog (www.50waystoleaveyour40s.blogspot.com) and started leaving comments that were both wise and funny. Now, not only is she my co-author, she’s one of my best friends, too! A favorite source book of ours, for expert input on health and well-being for our book, is Younger Next Year, by Chris Crowley & Henry S. Lodge, M.D. (ISBN 0-7611-3423-9). These guys consider personal connections and committed relationships to be so crucial to well-being in later life that they list this as the ultimate of their seven simple rules: “Connect and commit.” And what better connections and commitments to make than with those of like mind and/or like experience to be found through such resources as LifeTwo.com?
Thanks for having us, guys! We really appreciate what you’re doing here at LifeTwo.com and are honored by your support of our book, 50 Ways to Leave Your 40s. We’ve bookmarked your site, for sure!

End of interview.

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Update: The book is now released. Amazon link:

50 Ways to Leave Your 40s: Living It Up in Life's Second Half