Interview: "Practically Perfect" author Jennifer Niesslein

Author Jennifer Niesslein chronicls her journey through the world of self-help regimens in her new book "Practically Perfect in Every Way." She was kind enough to answer our questions about it.

LifeTwo: Tell us about your “Practically Perfect” project?

Niesslein: I took self-help advice for two years in an effort to become a better, happier person. I wound up consulting almost thirty experts in areas from clutter, through marriage and parenting, through health and spirituality. It was a pretty inclusive journey. Like a lot of us, I had this idea that self-help must work for someone, somewhere—and maybe that someone would be me.

Please explain the title.

The title I was originally working with was BETTER. Which sums the book up pretty neatly but was lacking a little zip. A colleague of my agent came up with PRACTICALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY—it's a line from "Mary Poppins," and given the spectrum of experiments I did, pretty apt.

Jennifer Niesslein

What was the genesis of the project?

I'd reached a point in my life where I'd realized there was … room for improvement. I wasn't as neat or as nice or as healthy or as at peace as I thought I could be. I figured that at best, I'd be able to improve at least some areas of my life, even if it was just a tidier house or setting up a retirement account or uncovering a calmer way of dealing with everyday annoyances. At worst, I thought I'd get some good stories out of it. That wasn't exactly what wound up happening, though.

What was your goal of the project, to write about or to learn something about yourself?

Definitely it was a personal project--I started it about a year before I got a book contract. But I have to admit that I might have abandoned it if I weren't writing a book about it. It became pretty emotionally trying, and it was because of the book that I kept going past my natural shut-down point.

You are following the advice of 29 experts. How did you select 29 out of the hundreds that are out there?

I looked at, first, what was applicable to my life. I'm a married, employed mother of one, so books that focus on, saying, finding a career or a good mate weren't going to be for me. But after that, I tried to choose the most popular (or ubiquitous) experts. I figured if millions of other people have ponied up their money for a book, there must be something to it. I also used a few experts with a cult following, like the FlyLady.

Did their advice ever conflict and if so how did you deal with that?

I did the experiments experts by expert, so I didn't have to integrate a lot of expert advice into some sort of Frankenstein monster of The Way to Live Life. But, definitely, there was some conflict. One financial expert would say that you must use a broker; another said that people shouldn't invest if it makes them uncomfortable. Parenting advice is especially rife with conflicting advice. My son was sleeping in the bed with my husband and I; some experts would say that's healthy and good parenting; others say it's dangerous or teaches the wrong lesson; for others, it's such an insane idea that they don't even address it. Clearly, in that case, I went with the one who made the most intuitive sense to me.

Were there any general themes and/or commonality consistent across the advice from the experts?

I would say the top commonality is that they all believe that any given person is responsible for fixing what ails her—and that she can do it by herself, if only she tries hard enough. It's pretty well in line with our culture right now, with a lot of burdens put on the individual.

Do you believe there are universal truths in the world?

I do, but they're such broad generalizations, they're almost useless. I'm usually more interested in how particulars make a situation more complex. For example, one universal truth might be that people need others in their lives to be happier. But that could play out in so many different ways—depending on who you are, what kind of people you're talking about, what situation you're in—that if you play it wrong, the presence of others could make you stressed out.

In your blog, you stated that the first pass of your book had a massive chapter on finances. What is the relationship between money and happiness? Can you have one without the other?

According to some psychological research, the relationship between money and happiness is complex and also relative. People adapt to having more; people (apparently) like having more than the people around them although, to me, this seems like a recipe for feeling guilty all the time. (Good luck with that health insurance, neighbor! I'm off to Paris for the weekend!) And seriously impoverished people aren't as happy as the wealthier. But in my experience, money's too loaded a thing to build any sort of happiness on. You can use it for security, say, or pleasures, but those aren't quite the same things as happiness.

Are you a happier person than you were two years ago?

I'm a different person, for sure. More knowledgeable about a lot of things—there really is some good information out there. Happier, I don't know.

What advice do you find yourself dispensing to friends?

Honestly, I try not to dispense advice. I try to be the person who loves them no matter what their flaws are and the person who can bring a little levity to the situation. Unfortunately, I know I'm also the person who brings a bunch of random facts about studies I've read, which may or may not be helpful.

What’s next after “Practically Perfect”?

I'm not sure! I have a book tour this summer, and I'll probably be getting back into Brain, Child, the magazine I co-founded. So pretty much getting out of my own head for a while.

Thank you Jennifer.